A lover of the nature

Its midnight
and I am walking down a lonely road
staring at the moon and counting stars
trying to find the pattern in their movements
that coincides with mine.

I might look like a ghost
a lonely soul searching for an answer
but no I am not lost
I am just an explorer
and a lover of the nature
trying to find the hidden treasure
that lies within
an old tattered box
somewhere by the bosom
of the mother Earth
hidden just for the child like me
who would preserve it
rather than trying to find the ways
to exploit it further.

The crispy mornings and the burgundy evenings
call out to me
and I can hear the whisper of breeze
and feel the blessings of sun
the shelter of cloud
and see the invitation of the sky
to fly high.

The kisses of rain that showers on me
makes me dream of eternity
among the lush green lea
and the sighs of proud trees.
I drink the dewdrops from the leaves
play hide and seek with the fog
I dance with the tune of wind
and jog along with the storm.

yeah I know I sound crazy
A romantic fool as it seems
But I dont deny that I am a fool
I am in love with the moon
I am in love and I nurture
this love of mine for my nature.

Why is it with you??

why is it with you
I feel alive
even the numbness from the cold
becomes a comfort zone
and the stiffness
melts away.

why is it with you
the distance does not matter
I dont need you to be with me
even knowing that you are so far away
I feel that you are 
Living in me.

why is it with you
I find various reasons to smile
even when there is so much
happening around me
breaking me down
bit by bit.

why is it with you
momentary craziness
means much more to me
than the everlasting tranquility
and violent vendetta.

why is it with you
I laugh at nonsensical jokes
pour down my frustration
and feel
that those depressing notions
are just my virtual entities
and being with you is real...so real.

why is it with you
i feel drunk
even when there isnt a single drop of alcohol
running through my veins
why is it with you
I find me
my lost essence
Why??? Oh!!! Why???

Once upon a time

Far away once upon a time

There was a castle of dream

With diamond turrets and golden glow

And there lived the king

Of mighty power, equivocal strength

Who laid among moonbeams

But all alone….all alone

A darkened soul it seemed.

One day came a gypsy boy

Travelling along the way

He had heard of lonely king

And thought to save the day.

He asked king to choose a wife

And break through the curse

Choose a queen among all

Who can sing a verse

Of magic that would break away

The darkness, guilt and remorse.

The news spread all over the kingdom

That the king is searching a wife

Who can sing like a nightingale

Whose voice is full of life

Parents came with their daughters

From far far away

And then there was this maid

Working with the hay.

The maid worked in the same castle

Where lived the king

She cooked, she washed, she cleaned

And she loved to sing

She was just a plain maiden

Stoutness was her thing

Yet she loved his majesty

Dreamt of wearing his ring.

Then there was her beautiful sister

Who shone like a gold

With golden tresses and sweet smile

Also calculating and bold

She had her clothes done

With everything else sold

Extracted a promise from her sis

Their relation would not be told.

A ball was then announced

Every fair maiden were present

All of them were asked to sing

The verses given to them

Then there was that maid

Doing as she was asked

She wore the green taffeta

Her face concealed and masked.

She sang her verses well

The song rang through the hall

The king was mesmerised

With a smile, he stood tall.

The search was over by then

Choice made, conclusion reached.

At the time of announcement

The sisters were then switched.

Unknown to this switching

The king chose his queen

Unmasked the golden girl

Who wore lemon green.

The maid in the shadow

Shed some silent tears.

She attended to her duties

Forgetting the ring

Subordinating the dreams of hers

To the happiness of king.

She decorated the queen’s room

Cleaned mirrors so high

She looked at her own image

And gave out a long sigh.

‘’No I’ll never be a beauty

I’ll never catch his eye.’’

Resigned to her fate

She started cleaning the slate.

She knew with time

The queen’s heart will grow fonder

And she might even love the king.

And herself a creature in the shadow

Will always remain a maid

A maid who loved to sing.

Just know that I am fine

Whenever out of the blue

You remember something I did

And smile

Just know that I am fine.

Whenever you dream at night

And try to remember the next morn

If you recall even a fragment of it

Just know that I am fine.

Whenever you have that itch

To write some words or verse

Even if you come up with nothing

And say you would try it the next time.

Just know that I am fine.

Whenever you have an outburst

But overcome it with calmness

And say “thank god it didn’t get worse”

Just know that I am fine.

Whenever you get what you want

Gain all that you deserve

Share that happiness with loved ones

And pause to think of me

Just know that I am fine.

Whenever you console someone

Make them smile off their tears

The laughter that you share

Will be carried off to me

And deal with my nightmares

Whenever that happens my friend

Just know that I am fine.

now that I am leaving

I took some flowers

Made a bouquet

A gift of my affection

And lots of congratulations

Of best wishes for coming days

But I couldn’t send it to you

The blooming flowers withered

Its freshness lost somewhere

I can neither save it nor throw away

And I have nothing to say

Now that I am leaving…

I selected some words made a song

With love stored up within me

A token of my appreciation

And lots of attention

Of best wishes for your happiness

But I couldn’t sing it to you

The music lost its magic

Its melody lost somewhere.

I can neither share nor sing it

Now that I am leaving.

somewhere along the way

I was walking alone

Dejected, devastated

Dwindling down the dirty road

Dragging the miseries along.

Though I had a torch in hand

The darkness seemed to grow some more

With every seconds that passed

Bringing me closer to the inevitable end.

When it god hard to move

When I stumbled down

I tried crawling

Searching for a reason to live.

And somewhere along the way

I found you.

I was trying to draw water

From a dried up well

I was trying to lure a cat

Instead I untied the bell

And like a broken shell

And moving through hell

I got used to it.

Used to the nostalgic hazy memories

Used to broken dreams

Used to the passive passions

And pacifying purgatory.

But when it got hard to move

And I fell down

I tried standing up

Searching for ways to laugh

And somewhere along the way

I found you.

I am breaking free

Below the street light at a bus stop

I am reflecting

Turning over the pages of the past

And puffing out smoke.

I am looking at the cigarette

Burning my hands

I let it burn my lungs too.

And reflect.

It seems as if the memories

Good ones though

Are the one backing me off

Towards the darkness that I crave.

And YOU, my friend

Giving me company,

Are trying to pass off

Some of that light you have to me

And I appreciate it

I do really.

You are trying to let me see

That every ending

Is a beginning of a new journey

A new story.

And now I am stealing

Some of the colours off flowers

Some lights off the sun

And painting my dreams.

See I’m moving

No I’m running

Towards the future that I deserve

Towards ecstasy.

I am breaking free

Yeah!!!! Finally!!!

I am breaking free.

have I lost the reason to smile??

I look at the smiling faces of people

All around me is jokes and joy

And with them, here I am all alone

Trying to hold onto the fragments

Of their conversation

And then I realise

I can’t hold onto the joy

Have I lost the reason to smile????

There are so many stories here

Every eye speaks of something within

Every faces have their own worry lines

Still there is smile

Still there is a reason to hold

Yet here all alone

Like a lonely soul

I try reading them; try being a part of them

Searching belongingness; somewhere out of nothingness.

But then I didn’t know

That the emptiness within me is so acute

That I can’t be where I am

And can’t feel anything within.

Have I lost the reason to feel???

Have I lost the reason to fly??

Have I lost the reason to smile??

Even mundane talks has so much fun

That’s what everybody says

Try simplifying all the matters

And then you will see

Everything there is to see

I have heard it repeatedly

I have tried embracing it.

Tried to run, stumbled down

Back on my feet, I tried again.

Moving out of my comfort zone

I tried breaking free

And look at me now!!!!

You can see just the shell of me

Even those freedoms of few moments

Have become burdens so difficult to carry

And so hard to hold on

And here I am walking alone

Searching for a reason to belong

Searching for a reason to fly

Searching for a reason to smile.

I see nothing

Whenever I close my eyes

And try to recall your face

To hold onto the good memories

We have ever had

I come up with nothing.

Whenever I try smiling

Thinking about the dreams I have had

To recall how I have been

Cheerful and joyful being

I just find emptiness

And I feel nothing.

Whenever I try holding on

To the fence I adored

As a child, as a girl

I find it broken

And nobody is there to mend it

And I find nothing.

Whenever I try writing

Of love, of life

Of flowers, moon, butterflies

I look at the world outside

All I see is black and white

And I can think nothing.

Whenever I search for colours

And bursts of laughter

Pretty smiles, lovely voice

My eyesight gets dimmed with time

And though I say I’m fine

I see nothing.

I will be your hope

Try opening up the Pandora's box
and unlock all the grief
release them into the world
and when the joy, the happiness 
ceases to exist
and darkness envelopes everything
in the fog.
From somewhere a light you'll see
illuminating the dark corners
and hope will start germinating.
With alacrity
grab onto it
then and only then you'll know
what a true happiness means.
Then the smile that comes off
will illuminate your soul
when that happens my friend
waving goodbye to the darkness
a candle will burn
and carrying that candle
I'll be walking towards you.
That's when you will find me.
That's how you will find me
smiling at you
and the world in general
embracing you
and disposing off
the Pandora's box again.

walking down the stairs

Even when the ecstasy has faded
and the memory of your voice has become non-existent
still comes a thought
from somewhere within
that you are walking the same way,
doing the same thing,
living the same life that we used to talk about.
And now when you are gone, here all alone
I am walking down the stairs where I first saw you
I am living those memories and remembering you.

Even when the book has been closed
I often turn over the pages of the same chapter
and re-read them (again and again)
and there comes a thought
that you are not
so far away from me than I thought you would be
I see you smiling
your life seems beautiful like it ought to be
Though you are gone, here all alone
I am walking down the stairs where I first saw you
I am living those memories and remembering you.

For me you are mine

Travelling through the dark
searching for my identity
i get tired and lonely
and you with your sweet smile
light up my world.
Your tiny fingers curled up around my hair
Your tiny palms caressing my face
as if you are trying to relocate me
in your 8 months old memory.
This feeling of contentment that you give me
This meaning of life that you show me
These little moments of joy I have in your presence
make it up for every seconds
of torture that I have to go through.

When you cry and call me out
when you fall down and reach for me
when u smile seeing me
and when you kick me with your tiny feet.
I feel happy to live
I feel happy that I have you
lighting up my life
like that faraway moon lights up the night
and gives me a reason to dream.

I love you from my heart
I love you from my soul
I eagerly waited for you to utter your first word
I eagerly waited for your first crawl
I am waiting for you to walk on your feet
walk with your arms wide towards me
oh angel!! How u shine
I adore you darling
though I didn't carry you for the months of nine
whomever your genes might belong to
gor me you are mine..
Oh Syona!! For me you are mine.

Dying Young

The light breaks through the dawn
and I am here with my curtains closed
letting the last remnants of the darkness
envelope me in its cacoon.
I don't want to break free
I am comfortable enough in cold.
I know I look steady
but I'm trembling within.
Still i crave the cold
coz i feel
if I am numb enough
i wouldn't feel
and may be it would help me heal.
I know I am still that child
standing in a dark corner and crying.
I know I am still that frightened soul
afraid to face the light
as it might illuminate everything
that I have kept hidden within me
and thus the darkness is
the only friend I see.
I know might be wrong
but I dont want to be strong.
Let me be, I am dying young.

I will stop missing you

Let me cry for a few more days
let me hold onto u for a while 
and then I'll be fine
with every tears i shed
i will get u out of my system 
with every songs i write
i will get u out of my system
with every sleepless night
with every beat of heart
i will stop missing u
gradually
and hope someday
you will remain in me
like a beautiful dream i lived
and not this painful reminder of loss.

A stranger I know

Do I call him a child??or a man??
I don't know.
He is a man of his own means
but the child within is still dominant it seems.
Oh yes!!! He is mature enough
he knows the world, he has seen it
moved through it.
But it seems he has yet to learn
survival in the mist of retreat
and struggle that goes on
along the submerged coast.
I don't know much of him
he is still a ghost to me
and what I say is what I see
I can tell you one thing though
he smiles like a sunglow
sugary sweet, a stranger I know...

Do I call him a friend??or a foe??
I don't know
he is neither my enemy nor my friend
A,stranger he is and so shall he remain
he teases you mercilessly through your tears
and grins without a trace of regret
he will let you open up
yet keep himself bound in cage.
Mysterious?? No he seems not
Conversationalist ?? Yes definitely.
Well the real him, I've yet to see
who he is I've yet to know
what I know is what he shows
I can tell you one thing though
he wouldn't let you feel low
and ask you to go with the flow.
Exasperating, a stranger I know