I

I am a scavenger of dreams. I collect  the remnants of others, those that never belonged to me and create my own empire.
I am the solitary light in the evening, I burn alone  to light my way and within the illuminated vicinity, I rule.
I am the disconnected thoughts, those left midway. I pop up unannounced at the decisive moment to sometimes enhance or ruin the impact and gravity of situation.
I am the flickering hope,  despite zillions of failed attempts, I emerge, I illuminate, I motivate and strengthen the resolve to never let you down.
I am the means to end and a tunnel to a new beginning.
Like you I am millions in one and one in the millions.
©srijaprasita Oct 1st 2019 21:20

Dilemmas

Unsteady mindset,  feeble dreams
It's not a morose story that I am writing about
it's just a real picture of affection in denial.
It's the story of insecurities and morphed aspirations.
It's the real face of emotions.
Throughout the bumpy ride I had walked unscathed
Fell down numerous times yet still intact.
I had left no stones unturned, my decisions thorough and pensive
Yet the junction that I am standing right now has left me indecisive.
I had laid down my baggages way back
Yet the feeling of burden remains
And my feet grows heavy by the seconds.
I see a light at the other end, across the bridge
Shining brighter than I have ever seen.
Yet the "what ifs" hold me back,
The pull stronger than it has ever been.
What if the light isn't from the source?
What if it's just a mere reflection?
What if it is just a mirage?
What if the brighter rays gave me a sunburn?
Despite the speculation and benumbed dilemmas
I have to make a choice.
It would either be the best decision of my life
Or yet another sacrifice.
A story of unhinged adoration that is yet to immerse
Which  could change my life in an instant for better or for worse.
Everything relies upon my resolution
That relies further upon the speculation
Of my heart.
As I am writing this I have a smirk on my lips
I don't know whether I am mocking myself
or the emotions that just changed my dreams.

Do you know what you are to me?

Do you know what you are to me??
You are the first of the thoughts that strike my mind early in the morning, you are the first smile of the day.
You are the dream which is not scavenged but solely belongs to me,  you are the one that I dared to dream.
You are the voice that lulls the insomniac like me,  you are the uninterrupted slumber.
You are the bolt from the blue albeit the pleasant one,  you are the unexpected surprise.
You are that erratic heartbeat upon your first glance, an escalated rhythm.
You are the revered wait, longing and the countdown of minutes and hours until the next time.
You are the laughter that bubbles inside, you are my  unfeigned smile.
You are the confirmation of my goodness,  you are my unadulterated desire.
You are my vulnerabilities, the insecurities of my bare soul
Yet,
You are also my strength, my esteem and my self worth.
You are the mirror that devoids me of facades, you are my truest reflection.
You are the sudden yet intense form of my affection.
Yes you! You are not just a person but my existence to me.

Vanity

Apprehension

A silhouette I saw in the horizon amidst the willow trees leaving behind the concrete, it seemed to walk towards salvation. The slumped gait seemed to straighten with every step he took as if he was leaving behind all the mournings, all the dares, all the worldly notions. I couldn't take my eyes off him; the alteration was beguiling. I could sense the shift in his mood, the liberation of thoughts though he was miles away and getting farther and farther by the second. A few moments later, he sprouted a pair of wings and flew away.

Bewildered me, stared at the empty spot, and wondered...Was it my imagination? Or did everything actually happen? I ran down the slope, reached as far as I could; He seemed to have disappeared without a trace. Upon returning, I searched for my wings."If he had one, I must have it too." It took me years to realize I have had one. It had been clipped immediately after my birth with the scissors of societal norms. And though at times, I blamed my circle, It had been me who hadn't let it grow back. It was me who hadn't been able to follow the man despite the pull of freedom. It had been me who caged myself within the concrete thoughts and held back. It had been me all the while.

Escape

And once again I escaped into the blackhole

In search of the light which I presumed was at the other end
I embarked upon a journey of time, of space
On the journey to the infinity, I met thousand suns,
Yet the greater truth, THE GREAT remained unknown.
Unrevealed under scrutiny, unexplored under fantasy
Under untamed belief of salvation and atoned sins of ecstasy.
As I neared the galaxy and as it shined anew
It revealed few instances of my encounters with few
Hidden dreams, shooting thoughts, that gravity of time
I thought "Is this truly me?  Were it truly mine? "
A lightening bolt of reality shook me through the core
And once again yeah again I escaped into the black hole.

©srijaprasita 30.05.2019 23.01

An awakened soul

He is an enigma, An unexplored book of thousand thoughts with untamed guffaws behind multiple silences.
A struggling existence of emergence
with an undivided tolerance and an avid perserverance.
He is an ocean with millions of unidentified islands scattered within the tides.
A treasure perhaps, which is yet to be uncovered and claimed. An ocean like his given name.
He is undiluted amidst the corrupted speculations and logic. An unsullied foundation despite meager endowments,
An uncorrupted gemstone stud in the tarnished world.  His wings, yet to unfurl.
He is an unawakened soul struggling with resistance
in need of guidance and unwavering acceptance.

Hey again!! Love

Hey love

Untold

I had a feeling that I should write of fledgling love,
of those unsaid expectations, unrevealed dreams, undeclared possession, and unraveled patience.
The sleepless night for a single call, the timeless wait for a single smile, the shameless dependency, and selfless empathy.
The reiterating fantasies, the escalating ecstasy, the mounting melancholy upon a single quarrel and the barrage of sorries afterward.
The frequent stalking of the profile, the frequent re-reading of the chat history, the frequent conversation about the concerned, the frequent smiles in fantasies.
However, as I took a pen and thought of writing I could not come up with words and like every other stories, it was left untold.

Regrets

REGRETS

Regrets come with choices. 

You were wearing stilettos,  you fell down the stairs, broke your bones and remained static for weeks,

You regret.  " I shouldn't have wore those."

You took your motorbike out on the slippery street amidst the piles of snow. Your vehicle skidded to halt and you had to live with deformities your whole life. 

You regret again.  " I should have known. "

Regrets come in all shapes and sizes. 

You were bullied for wearing a cardigan your mom made. You regret making the choice.

You were trolled for stuttering, fumbling with words while giving your presentation. You regret not practicing.

You were trying hard to please everyone and were drained striving to meet their expectations.

You regret falling short or sometimes you even regret trying.

Regrets are multitudes. 

You fell, you failed, you tricked,  you tripped,  you embarked upon a journey, you left it midway, you made a choice and it led you nowhere. 

Again you regret. Ah!  Great. 

Sometimes regrets come in fragments, sometimes bulk.

Sometimes it's a missed date on a hot air balloon, sometimes it's a missed play. 

Some days it is an uncontrolled laughter on seeing someone fall down the ditch and

Some days it's linked to someone's grotesque death. 

And life goes on... 

But my friend, to me it seems,  regret shapes you and me. 

You are you,  I am me and we are we and these regrets marks our individual differences, individual experiences and identity.

Regrets have varied consequences.

Regret throws away the shoes and accepts that flats are the new rage. 

OR Regret tries it again,  a bit more careful this time,  a bit more practice and voila!  ready to go. 

Regret bans the future generations from ever using the motorbike 

OR Regret embraces the fact that caution was missing.

Regret isolates you and blame it on your mother who forced you to wear one

OR regret teaches you to defend the cardigan your mom made the next time. 

Regret asks you to be happy with what you have achieved so far and leave it off

OR Regret teaches you to get up,  stand again and run. 

Regret allows you to wallow in grief throughout your life

OR Regret embraces the fact,  understands it and moves on. 

With Regrets Choices come again. 

©srijaprasita

Credence

Comprehension

Siren

Image credit: Toon Hertz

Infiltrated

Insomnia

Hey Friend!!

What is life?

would I be able to locate the summer musings within the winter air?
or would I remain stagnant within my procreated sphere?
unhinged subconsciousness questions my ability
while normative nonchalance urges me to ask what exactly is life?

is it the first burst of germination that we see
or the first cry of the new born child?
Or
is it what comes afterwards?
malinged thoughts and aspirations that runs wild.
is it the serene smile that the eyes reflect
with the web of manufactured lies?
Or
is it the reverred watch over the conveniently inconvenient ties?

sometimes it's awe, sometimes it's wonder
sometimes it's definitely indefinite ponder
sometimes it's a detached search for truth
sometimes it's unruly acceptance of fallacies
sometimes it's a heavy burden upon your shoulders
sometimes it's unwinding fantasies.
So,
what exactly is life???

© srijaprasita 14.08.2018 7:54 pm

Snowfall

Cognizance

Fledgling Insanity

Encounter

Wisdom of sorrow

Revived

Regrets

Midnight blues

Phoenix